Monthly Archives: November 2011

You can Fly Your Own Colors as Long as They’re Right

So I started rehabbing today. 20+ rep squats with less than a hundred pounds is the most painfully boring activity I have ever partaken in. I considered giving up lifting all together just so I wouldn’t have to do anything so boring ever again. Deadlifts were the same story, except I started with 135 and sang “Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it’s off to work we go.” out loud but that really hurt my glute so I went down to 65.

Brent thought I should include this story in my Blog, and I agreed.
Last week one of my buddies uploaded a facebook pic, and I commented on it. I was the second person to comment on it after some girl with an alright face and real good body. I didn’t know who the FUCK she was, so I messaged her:

Me: Do I know you or something?
Her: We both went to all saints
Me: Aight, but we’ve never actually met or anything?
Her: Idk! Srorrrry
Me(Being polite?(She has fat tits and ass)): I don’t really care about that, I was just wondering if I should recognize you/your name, because I didn’t
Her: Oh aha :)🙂

So I was like ‘uhhhhhhh whatever’ after that, but then a couple days later her facebook status was her Blackberry pin followed by “Only add me if you’re white.” I just about fell out of my chair laughing at this, and now I wouldn’t mind meeting her because that was fucking hilarious.

Squats:
45 x 25
65 x 20
85 x 20
Oh my Goodness I wanted to slit my throat.

Jerk: 170 x 10 x 1
Felt good

Deadlift:
135 x 5  These hurt, a lot
65  x 15
65 x 20

Curls: 105 x 2 x 10
Saying one word per rep, I recited the following sentences during my curls:
“Justin Lascek, I’m coming for you. You’re gonna die bro.”
and
“Justin Lascek is fucking going down. I’ll kill that cunt.”

Stay Funky, everyone

Custom Blade Swung and Ooh-Wee

SLASH IN YOUR THROAT, LIKE A GUNS ‘N’ ROSES GROUPIE.

Nicole, let me know if you find this blog, I know that you won’t so I don’t expect to hear from you.

Hey Mark, how much fish oil did you take this weekend?
40 grams

Can you Squat or Deadlift now?
Nope, can’t even shovel shit, just gonna up-end this bottle of klonopin instead.

Was in a real shitty mood Saturday, between missing lifts, having a torn glute, not even knowing TGISOTBEOF’s name/figuring out that there’s a pretty good chance I’ll never see her again and stressing over school I felt like a real piece of shit. I cheered up a bit by the afternoon, though. Yesterday I was buying Bacon flavored chips after my shift ended (which don’t taste like bacon at ALL, so I was pissed about that) going through NGAW’s till while I was waiting I was just looking out the window, then I looked up for a second and her focused quickly strayed away from me. I couldn’t tell if she was staring at me or at Doug Young on my T-Shirt, I’ll never know. Feel like shit again now though, because I tried squatting and felt strain on my glute at 135, and again when I picked up a 45 in each hand to see if cleaning is feasible.

Press: 165 x 8 x 3
Crushed it, I love this narrower grip and have pretty much determined that the wider grip is what fucked up my shoulder before.

Chin Ups: +45 x 5,5,7
Pretty happy about this.

Apparently chalk has been banned at my gym for a while, but no one ever does anything about it. Sounds good.

R.I.P. Dilla, Baatin, and Slum Village

If you guys wanna talk you can leave comments. Seriously, its cool if you want to.

You Can Run On For a Long Time

But sooner or later God’ll cut you down.

If I can get through today without killing myself, I probably never will. My grandmother’s in the hospital because of surgery complications, I’d really like to be there right now because I’m worried sick, but school is getting in the way. Missed both my PRs today, which I absolutely fucking hate. I feel sick to my stomach when I leave the gym after missing my reps, and usually don’t feel better for the rest of the weekend. I’m pretty sure I missed my DL’s because of a torn glute. I felt it yesterday and this morning but it was acute, so I thought nothing of it. It probably had something to do with the Clean and Jerk I did Wednesday. Next on the list, apparently my gym is gonna ban chalk, which means if I can’t talk my way into being allowed to use it, because I clean up after myself, I’ll be finding a new gym which I’ll have to pay for which will really fucking piss me off, or getting a squat rack, bar and plates in my basement, which will also really fucking piss me off. Last of all I saw The Girl I See On The Bus Every Other Friday, looking stunning as ever. My heart sunk to my feet when I laid eyes on her. She was stretching when I went to Mob, I found a spot beside her about 10′ away to Mob, got up to get a drink after a few Mobs and when I got back she was leaving. What the fuck would she want with a loser with a torn glute who can’t even deadlift 525 for 3 anyways?

Anyone know how to tie a noose?

Deadlift: 525 x 3X
Got 2, missed third some where between 1/3 and 2/3, can’t remember if I got it above the knee. Took another attempt and couldn’t even get it off the ground.

Bench: 290 x 3X
Missed on the second

Squat: 235 x 6 x 2
Probably shouldn’t have done these with my glute in the state it’s in

Kroc Row: 125 x 2 x 11
Hurt my hands A LOT

BRB going to make a playlist of really depressing music to listen to.

Cut Him Just Enough Slack to Hang Himself With

New girl at work: I heard you do ‘Muscle man competitions.’
Me: Uhhhhh I compete in powerlifting.
NGAW: What’s that?
Me: You compete to see who can squat, bench press, and deadlift the most.
NGAW: Woah, so how much can you lift.
Me: My best squat is 500.
NGAW: *Jaw drops*
Me: My best Bench is 310.
NGAW: *Jaw drops*
Me: And my best deadlift is 535.
NGAW: *Jaw drops*

So I that’s happening. AGL. No idea who told her, though, I asked both of the two people I suspected, neither have talked to her at all.

Front Squat: 280 x 3 x 3
I hate squatting when I’m hungry

Jerk: 165 x 10 x 1
Same arrangement as last week

Snatch: 140 x 10 x 1
Rep 8 was real good

Curl: 102.5 x 2 x 10
Swole bi’s, brah

Clean and Jerk: 225 x 1
Felt like it

Went back when I had some free time to Mob for a while. Feel good, loose, mobile. Mmmmmmmmm.

‘You know

Boy, You’d Better Act Nicer

Or you’ll spend the last night of your whack life tied up to the back side of my dude’s Pathfinder.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm

Slept and ate like shit all weekend, so I’m not really surprised that I was sluggish today. Response to the bacon shirt has been positive aside from Cory-Gordon Fuck-Grad. General consensus has been that it should have been a lighter color to have more contrast, and I agree. The Bacon tank top I make in the summer will be bright orange.

Today in the gym my buddy was squatting and I was giving him a few tips, because he was coming up on his toes in the hole. Some expert shit shoveller stepped out of the smith machine to drop some knowledge bombs and argue with me about how one is supposed to squat. How many reps can you do with 4 plates, pal? Can you squat 500? What national powerlifting titles have you won with your smith machine half squats that you have anything to tell me about how to squat? “I dunno man that just what I do, that’s what works for me.” Then how come my arms are about as big as your quads?

Also saw someone walking around with a BodyBuilding.com towel hanging out of his pocket the way T.I. walks around with a Gucci rag hanging out of his (See his left hand)
Why do you even own a BodyBuilding.com towel?

Squat: 370 x 8 x 3
Sluggish

Bench: 235 x 8 x 3
Sluggish

Powerclean: 195 x 5 x 3
Sluggish, might have tweaked my knee a bit, but I rolled it out.

Chin-ups: +40 x 5,5,9
Real excited to start chinning with a 45 next week

Hey bro, how many more sets you have?
8
…Oh…

Shame on an African American Gentleman

For trying to run game on an African American Gentleman
BITCH I-A FUCK YO ASS UP

R.I.P. Ol’ Dirty

I feel awesome:

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

So Justin made this video here, and as someone who needs to work on shoulder mobility I decided to try it. I looked around my gym briefly and couldn’t find any bands, so I went and asked the girl working there, who is a 9 at absolute minimum, if there were any.

Me: Are there, by chance, any resistance bands around here somewhere?
Her: Yep, they’re actually right here (The front desk), would you like light, medium, or heavy?
Me: Doesn’t matter
Her: *Looks at me like I’m a drooling retard* Uhhh, I like the heavy ones *Hands them to me*
Me: Thanks *Ditches the mob and uses the bands to hang myself*

Saw some ginger faggot with designs shaved into his head, which I found odd because if you’re a fucking ginger wouldn’t you want to stray attention away from your ugly freak head?

Squat: 465 x 3
Crushed it

Press: 190 x 3
Crushed it

DE Deadlift: 280 x 6 x 2
Could have been faster

Kroc Rows: 125 x 2 x 10
Form could be stricter

Got my shit shovel shined and ready for the weekend.

Find a Bridge and Jump Off

And if I tell you to fuck off then FUCK OFF

Lot of shit was shoveled in my gym today. I witnessed a guy 1/4squat the empty bar, with the bar positioned on his neck. Not high bar, on his traps, it was sitting right in the middle of his fucking neck. Some other idiot was doing rear flies right in the middle of the 3 foot wide path from the squat rack to the water fountain, and super setting them with knuckle push-ups. I didn’t hear him whining like a little bitch as my headphones were in, but I saw him wincing like one as he was talking through them. Also saw 1/2 R.O.M. push-ups from some other douchebag. I saw a really pretty girl I see around campus all the time while I was training. If she was in a play she’d be cast as the princess. She probably saw my stretch mark as I was wearing a tank top and thought “Ew, that’s disgusting, I would never even talk to him.” I also saw a guy doing 1 arm 20lb dumbell curls while coaching a girl, who watched at least 4 of my snatches, doing leg press. I wonder if he’s putting all the effort he can into his training?

Still no bacon shirt yet.

Front Squat: 280 x 3 x 3
Real fast and smooth.

Jerk: 165 x 10 x 1
Did the first six alternating sides doing split jerks, did the last 4 neutral or squat jerk or whatever it’s called.

Snatch: 140 x 10 x 1
Best snatches I’ve ever done, the last 5 were real clean.

Curl: 100 x 2 x 10

Hope you don’t mind if I spill my pain, the longer that I don’ts like I’m going insane.
Can I let it all out?
Can I let it all out?

Your Moms Looks Like Beetlejuice

So I fucked her.
Make your boy look better, right?

Last night I had chicken, pork, fish and lamb all in the same meal, as well as some xiao mien noodles, garlic bread, potatoes and yorkshire pudding, then a bowl of ice cream, chocolate covered strawberries and waffles for dessert. When I got home from the restaurant I was pissed off that I forgot to have any beef.

Saturday was my next door neighbor’s 60th birthday, which I didn’t know we going to until the afternoon of. All the men were wearing dress shirts and dress pants, all the women were wearing nice blouses or dresses (Save for one kinda cute girl wearing a hoodie and jeans that was sitting right across from me. Didn’t say one word to her.) I wore black pants and my wolf shirt. My mum wasn’t impressed with that, but I just don’t care.

Squat: 370 x 8 x 3
Decided to pause at the bottom of the last rep of my last set for fun, so that one was real tough.

Press: 160 x 8 x 3
On sets 7 and 8 I took a much narrower grip after reading Rip’s latest SS ed. 3 excerpt, felt A LOT better. My grip was previously about a hand width narrower from where it is for a low bar squat, now it is just about shoulder width. FEELS GOOD MAN.

Powerclean: 195 x 5 x 3
Some were messy, some were good.

Chin-ups: 40 x 5,5,8
I think I did 40 last week too, regardless of whether or not I typed 35.

As I was walking to the change room after I was done some old fuck I’m 99% sure I’ve never talked to before stopped me and asked me if I was still powerlifting, and where my lifts are, the entire time I was thinking the way Brent Kim talks (types?) “Who the FUCK are you?” I didn’t ask him about his lifts, partially because he looks like a coach, and partially because I don’t care how much he lifts.

I really hope my BACON shirt comes in today or tomorrow.

I’m Just a Disrespectful Whiteboy

One of them punch-you-in-the-face type of Honkies.

Mixed feelings towards today. Failed a midterm for the first time, Still passing the course, but I’m real pissed and I don’t like failing stuff so I’m gonna make sure I get an 80 in that course. Saw the prettiest girl in the world (as far as I’m concerned) on the bus, just like every second Friday. I’d totally talk to her if I had something relevant to say that she’d care about in hope it would lead to us holding hands and me listening to her talk about her day and stuff. Oh well. I also set 2 PRs, so that’s good.

Deadlift: 520 x 3
Some cunt was standing literally right over the fucking bar, curling when I was trying to warm up, I stood there and stared at him for 5 seconds before he figured out he should get the fuck out of  my way
First one was real slow, so I didn’t think I’d get all three, but I did.

Bench: 285 x 3
Finally

Squat: 235 x 6 x 2
Could have been faster

Kroc Rows: 125 x 2 x 9
Felt good, grip is improving

I’ll be the guy in the corner, listening to this and taking self loathing to unheard of extremes:

Shoutout to Jacob Cloud and Stephen Maguire for donating to Movember.

I Sent That Bitch to the Store to get a 60 Watt Bulb

Because I wanted her to see my dick in a new light
Celph Tilted, you audacious motherfucker

I’m currently in the middle of what I call downtime in school, when there is maybe one or due assignments to do at any given time, I don’t mind less work, but it just pisses me off later when I have 4 or 5 to do at once that the work isn’t distributed over time more evenly. Profs are cunts.

I overheard some mouthbreather literally say there is no reason to go heavy on deadlifts. Seriously? None? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this? I’ve been wasting all this effort for the past two years. I hope you like shoveling shit, faggot.

Front Squat: 280 x 3 x 3
Easy, kind of tired of not doing 330 or something worthwhile like that, but I guess it’s better for me or something

Jerk: 165 x 10 x 1
Easy, hit my chin on the way up on rep 8, probably because I was thinking about the pretty girl I had just seen while I was getting a drink .

Snatch: 140 x 10 x 1
Some were decent, some were sloppy, the last one was probably the best snatch I’ve ever done.

Curl: 97.5 x 2 x 10
My friend lol’d when I said Brent Kim at the top of every rep, I saw other people staring like I was weird, but I squat more than all of them.

My body is definitely ready for a deadlift PR on Friday.

New Illmaculate EP. I came.

“This beat sounds like victory.”

This is just fly/smooth as fuck