Monthly Archives: July 2012

Walk the Streets with a Torch and a Bucket of Ether

For the next racial slur I see with his jeans tucked in his sneakers.

Rest of the session doesn’t even fucking matter after that squat set buddy. Epic job.

Bro, are you like bi-polar or something?

Yeah man that was poetic. I’m jelly of your squat. What’s the deal with your DL though?

I used to pull good, then I got injured, now I’m pretty much better, but I’ve lost strength, getting it back is being impeded by squatting heavy. After my meet I’ll probably return to squatting and pulling heavy on opposite weeks.

As fate would have it, or maybe it’s just a coincidence, or maybe she saw me finish my set and decided to walk over at the same time. She and I arrived at the water fountain at the same time, I stepped to the side to allow her to go first, but she smiled and said to go ahead. Being the social Gordon-fuck that I still am I just smiled back, said ‘thank you’ and went for it.

She’s acquired an acronym b-t-dubs, BH. A co-worker used the song title to describe some random girl he noticed and I thought it fits a whole lot better here.

Squat: 360 x 8 x 3
First 4 were hard as FUCK, and I felt it in the piriformis big time. I’m sure the facts that I didn’t in the next 4 and they were easier had nothing to do with her showing up right after my 4th.

Press: 180 x 8 x 3
Could have been easier, but I got them all, sooooooo whatever

Farmer Walk: 325 x 2 x Some distance
I used the trap bar because the DBs bruised the fuck out of my thighs last time. I guess it’s good for something after all

Skull Crushers: 120 x 2 x 9


I Don’t Listen to M.O.P. to Get Focused to Squat Heavy

I squat heavy to get focused to listen to M.O.P.

Ante up, hit that fool.

Squat: 470 x 5
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve squatted 500 ten minute after missing it, the first time I pulled 5 plates was after missing it twice within the preceding hour. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first rep felt about as hard as a typical second attempt in a meet. The fifth it wasn’t me and the bar, it was my body and the bar. I was seeing stars by the second rep, but I kept fucking going. On the last rep I came forward a bit, I came to a dead fucking stop for at least a second, but the only direction I knew was up. I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t feeling, I was only pushing, struggling under the bar knowing if I fucking blinked it would be enough distraction to miss. I’m fucking proud of myself.

Bench: 300 x 0
Misloaded by forgetting the 10 on one side, made that, then missed the first at 300 30 seconds later.

Deadlift: 440 x 0

Honestly, the squat took a fuck ton out of me, I literally felt like passing out while I was getting ready to pull. I need to talk to Justin about programming because as it stands my squat is limiting my other intensity lifts. I only need to total 1300, though, and a 540 squat seems pretty reasonable in meet conditions, that means I could qualify with a 300 bench and a 460 pull, which are doable when I have a couple hours after squatting.

Who you Gon’ Call, The Ghostbusters?

I’m a fucking dope hustler.

One of my two bosses/long time friend of the family want to get pics from my upcoming meet on the company website. Fuck. That.

Snatch:155 x 6 x 1, 165 x 4 x 1
I’m the fucking king of pressouts. Knee wraps felt good, though.

Klokovs: 165 x 5 x 1
Feels good, man

Curl: 100 x 2 x 9

Chins: +85 x 5,5,4
The fat, padded chin up bar, while working my grip better, hinders my chinning ability.

Some bullshit about me not squatting enough even though it was more than his 1rm

Hey are you Alright?

Oh, I must be fine, ‘coz my heart’s still beating.

465 x 5? I hope you re-tear you glute you prick.

Yeah man, me too.

That Awesome Moment when the hot girls you went to high school with see you from behind/the side at a party, then see who it is and say “Oh…nevermind.” Oh, right, not awesome.

“Who’s that guy in the tank top? his delts are beefy as fuck. WAIT, SHUT IT DOWN, SHUT IT DOWN, it’s just that weird fuck from Grade 11 English, false alarm, keep it moving.”

I mean, it all turned out hilarious, because someone other than me told their fat friend she was fat and fucked up all of their nights. I thought it was pretty funny and tweeted

“It’s all fun and games until someone tells the fat girl how fat she is #WhitePeopleDrama”

I was one of 2 or 3 sober people at the whole party (Driving + Meet in <1 month), but I actually had a lot of fun, surprisingly.

One of my friends who weighs about 130lb decided to touch the back of my shoulder with the lit end of his cigarette, everyone looked at him dumbfounded and said “Dude, he’s gonna fucking kill you.” I just said “Nah, I know that Zach has absolutely nothing in life besides the small amount of joy generated by fucking with Luke and I, so I can’t take that away from him.” And then everyone laughed at him and he accepted that it was pretty true.

Another friend that I was driving home was getting some palm while we sat and talked to the friend of the girl giving it. Someone mentioned they ran off together, I told her “Yeah, text her and tell her to hurry up and finish him off, I wanna go home.”

I also tried convincing someone that “How’s that neck game?” is an excellent pick up line.

Sober Mark>

Basically I forgot something at the office today, so after getting changed I had to run back and get it and then it was late so I switched things up a bit to save some time.

Squat: 315 x 5 x 5
Smoked ‘em real easy, just as I thought I would.

Bench: 225 x 5 x 5
Not so easy, probably should have done less weight for 5×5.

By this point more of my shirt was wet, by area, than dry. Still didn’t change before leaving the gym.

Farmer’s walk: 110 x Some distance, A bit more distance
After the second set when I was getting ready to slowly walk back carrying dumbbells to put them away she (I don’t have an acronym good enough for the girl at the gym yet because she has so many awesome qualities about her that an acronym covering them all would be futile due to its length) sheepishly asked if she could sneak by and get to the fountain before I picked them up, obviously I obliged, then she made a comment about my farmer’s walk that I didn’t hear due to one head phone in my ear. Song wasn’t even that good either, fuck.

Skull Crushers: 120 x 2 x 8
I assume my slow, tough benching had something to do with why these we so tough. She was staring right at me from beside her platform as we both rested between sets. Be still, my heart.

Wash my Knife ‘Till the Blade is Rust

So that way when my veins are cut
Either way I’m fucked

Not suicidal or anything, just though that line was real cool.

I’m the guy who didn’t go to my work’s summer party that would have been hella fun and potentially had HRR in a two piece because I was busy chasing a squat PR.

No one understood why I prioritize training over the party, but I guess that just goes to show that Average Joe has never put that amount of time, effort and dedication into something that they can relate.

Do I feel like I’m better off for dedicating myself to something deeply enough that I’d rather struggle under a barbell than hang out on the beach? Probably

Do I still wish I could see HRR in that two piece? Definitely

Squat: 465 x 5
Tough, but that’s how I like it

Push Press: 235 x 3
Last one was a grinder

Deadlift: 440 x 4
I guess if I say “Grip work starts Monday” it will summarize everything pretty nicely?

You and I can Never Live in the Garden of Eden

You can rip out my heart, but if I tear out your rib we’re even.

Finding female lifting partners that aren’t pussies is probably difficult. Still worth a shot if you can catch her in the gym alone.

This is very true. The kind of girl who misses a lift and attempts it again 5 minutes later is the kind of girl I want to spend some time with inside and outside of the gym.

Today between my Klokov complexes I noticed her struggling to get a Green off of the plate tree because the pin had been mushroomed on top. I asked if she needed a hand and went and got it off for her. Probably a good look from the whole observant/nice/chivalrous asshole type of angle.

Klokovs: 165 x 10 x 1
Pretty good.

Curls: 100 x 2 x 9
I’m that asshole who does direct bicep work right after Oly lifting

Chin ups: +85 x 5,5,6
Sixth was either just short of a rep or just barely good.

In Case Anyone is Wondering

That’s not a whatever, mang. This could go places; ask her if she’d like to go out for dinner sometime. It’s worthwhile to note that she just saw you do 2.5 times your bodyweight for 5 reps, which has to count for something, not to mention the shit with the pressing.

Girl aside, amazing squatting.

Yeah, but now every time I see her she’s training with a bunch of guys. Fuck.

Between ass cheeks is about the worst place to get mosquito bites. I have about 3 between mine, another 5 on them, and another 6 or so on my thighs. I was up at my buddy’s cottage over the weekend where nobody drank too much or got loud and rowdy or anything like that. Why would young people ever want to do that kind of thing? Anyways, I soaked myself in bug spray, everywhere but inside my shorts, it didn’t end well. Other than getting raped by mosquitos we did some fishing, ate lots of animals, fucked around in the lake and overall had a pretty fun weekend. It probably would have been more fun overall if no one had said “Let’s play (Insert name of drinking game here)” at all, but whatever.


A friend and I were hanging off either side of an inflatable raft and ended up floating pretty close to the next dock over which had two girls on it:

Friend: Man, we’re getting pretty close to their dock
Me:  Oh fuck, yeah, we are
Friend: We can hear them so they can probably hear us

One friend bet another $50 that he couldn’t get those two girls to come and join our party, but they established the bet loudly enough that one of them said “Eww” and they got up and walked away.

Whole smoked chickens.

I ended up losing a round of a drinking game and it happened to be the round that the loser had to drink the Coors Light that had been sitting out in the 35 degree celcius sun all day. It didn’t go well.

One of the guys caught some fish and cooked them up, that shit was tasty.

Everything else is stuff that is pretty much only funny in the context of our group of friends.

Squat: 365 x 8 x 3
Rough on my leg, which felt way, way better until I started squatting. Feels like the bone might be bruised or something, I intend to talk to Justin about possibilities of what’s with it. Still got them done.

Press: 185 x 3,3,3,2
Drinking ~430mL of whiskey and then getting fuck all sleep on Saturday = Shit training Monday.

Skull crushers: 120 x 2 x 8

After Throwing the Pistol in the Mezzanine

I gotta collect my fee
and tell my connect I need
an extra G, eventually as soon as he connects with me

So I feel pretty funny. When I was squatting today on the first rep of my work set I heard/felt something like a *pop* from my leg where my phone sits in my pocket and then it felt like I had a really nasty Charlie horse (Still does). What I think happened is that when I did the negative my phone wedged into my thigh and eventually slipped and flattened to my leg before snapping, but not before transferring the better part of the 460lbs on my back into my thigh via a surface area of less than 5cm^2. It didn’t feel anything like the tear in my piriformis at ALL, and currently feels nothing like that did after. It just feels like a typical bruise. Still gonna roll it before bed.

More awkward interactions with HRR.

Girl from the gym was there today, she looked at me every time she set up her press with a narrow grip. Whatever.

Squat: 460 x 5
Was kinda tough, but I’ve had much, much more difficult sets.

Bench: 300 x 2
Failed the third, was pretty damn close, though.

Deadlift: 440 x 3
Stopped after the third as a result of the nasty cramp I acquired in my calf on the first one.

Back on my

Card Carryin’ Barbarian Shit

I read the IPF Rules on my lunch today, that’s how stoked I am to compete again, I’m gonna go Davis Jr. and tell the head judge to lick my taint at the top of my 3rd squat.

I saw her again, she was walking into the gym as I was walking out, she was wearing a sundress, I came.

Klokov: 165 x 1 x 10
5 split snatches, 5 power.

Curl: 100 x 2 x 9

Chins: +80 x 5,5,7

Ordered knee wraps last night. 

Get Lacerated

With Patrick Bateman’s business cards.

So yesterday in the gym there was this really cute girl that was front squatting 185 for triples pretty much perfectly, then she went and pressed, but she had a really wide grip so I approached and discussed bringing her grip in narrower and explained why and she made a single that she missed 10 minutes earlier. Probably looks pretty decent on me, but I’ll never see her again, it’s fine.

Squat: 365 x 8 x 3
Pretty quick

Bench: 250 x 8 x 3
first 6 were quick, last 2 were a bit slow

Skull crushers: 120 x 2 x 8

Think I’m gonna stop snatching until I get knee wraps because they’re starting to bug me.